Yes !...... You also can DO this

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Why Do We Help Those Who Hurt Us?

We have all felt the desire to help someone. Whether it is a friend, an acquaintance, a stranger, a family member or a significant other, we have wanted to help them in both small and grand ways. The reasons for this are many.
But why is it that in a situation where we get hurt countless times by the other person, we still suffer and struggle to help?
I asked anyone I knew who had personal experience with this… Why do we continue to help those who’ve hurt us? Their answers varied…

The majority of the answers were along the lines of:

• “to distract myself from my own problems”
• “because I wanted to be the reason they changed”
• “because I loved him”
• “because I believed that she could change”

I believe that the first and second responses have the same foundation: deep-rooted insecurity. When someone wants to distract herself from her own problems, she will latch on to someone else. By putting all of her energy into another person, she can avoid what is bothering her about herself. This is usually on a subconscious level, where the person doesn’t even realize that they are avoiding or feeding their own insecurities.
Sticking around because you want to “be the reason he or she changes” or the reason that he or she wants to change also validates insecurity. Everyone wants to feel loved, needed, and important. Those who are deeply insecure will seek this validation in unhealthy relationships instead of waiting for something more stable and healthy to come along.
The third and fourth responses also go hand in hand. They usually are the responses when the problems arise later on in a romantic relationship, or if it is a family member or dear friend. A relationship has the potential to gradually deteriorate, but early on, a sense of mutual love and caring has developed. The first few fights or damaging situations are always followed by promises of change and seemingly sincere apologies.
An example of this is when you find your significant other or closest friend abusing a drug that they said they wouldn’t use anymore. They react defensively and lash out at you. The next day, or even hours later, they cry and apologize profusely. This cycle continues until the damaging experiences become worse and worse.
This type of relationship falls into a downward spiral and is toxic. However, the one being hurt loves the person hurting them. They remain in the relationship because they want to believe the other will change; that their partner wants to and will get better; and most of all, because they feel guilty for even thinking about leaving the relationship. The partner might also “guilt-trip” the other, asking if the other person really loves them, reminding them that they said they would never leave, and so on. This is also unhealthy and manipulative.
This raises another question: why do people hurt others? In most cases, it isn’t intentional. Someone who repeatedly behaves in a way that is toxic to the relationship is struggling with internal battles. In times of clarity, they truly desire change from how they are behaving.
Insecurity and fear of abandonment are other reasons some people hurt others. In spite of knowing that they are repeatedly hurting their romantic partners, they cling because they cannot stand the idea of being without someone. These patterns are maladaptive and harmful to both partners involved.
The first step in fixing a toxic relationship is becoming aware of it. It is best for both partners in an emotionally or physically harmful relationship to seek professional help to return the relationship to a healthy state, or go separate ways. Maintaining an unhealthy relationship that suffers from frequent fights, manipulation, and harm will cause both partners’ well-being to diminish and cease from growing along a positive avenue.
The ones who are hurting others need to realize they must heal on their own and work towards a more positive lifestyle and relationship pattern. The partners being hurt have to find self-compassion and understand that they deserve better love, care, and understanding.

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Life ?

By: Shoaib Mirza

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Change The Life

If you want to know that True Fact about Life click here

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Find Out If He's A Text Liar!

Have you ever been Texting with your crush and had a sneaking suspicion he wasn't being totally up front with you? Well, now there’s a scientific way to tell if he's lying—sort of.

A recent study from Brigham Young University found that when people are lying, it takes them 10 percent longer to respond to a text—and they make more edits than usual.
But since 10 percent isn’t a huge number, you may only be able to tell if something's up if your guy typically responds to Text instantly. (Past research has found that people are much more likely to lie via text than face-to-face.

Another way to catch someone in their lie: Just use your gut! BYU also found that humans can accurately detect a lie about 54 percent of the time. So rougly half the time, you already know when someone is lying!
Tell us: What methods do you use to sniff out if someone isn’t being totally honest via text? Do you have any sneaky tricks you swear by?

Sound off in the comments on how you spot a texting liar!

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A Better Way to Manage Performance At Work

 

 

 

What if Your Strengths Were Your Weaknesses? 

 

 Throughout my career I’ve had a working theory that strengths and weaknesses are not two different things that fall into separate categories the way corporate management and performance reviews suggest. Rather, it seems to me that they reflect one quality that expresses itself along a continuum consisting of  "great" on one end, and "not so much," on the other.

This realization put things into perspective for me real fast. At work, we quickly learn what we do well, and probably even sooner, we learn what our “areas for improvement” are. But think about the challenge inherent to developing your strengths if they are also your weaknesses. It requires completely changing the way you think about managing your career in general, and exploiting your talent specifically.
Let’s take communication as an example. I have always had very strong verbal skills. Many say it is the result of being dyslexic - that my ears and mouth compensated for my eyes and brain. I think that is probably true, although I also grew up in a home with extremely articulate parents who made a habit of discussing everything. So who knows?

The point is that I excelled in my career because of my communication skills. However, there were also times when I was told I was “over communicating.” It was getting in the way, slowing things down. At the time I thought, “Well, shoot. That’s what I do.” Communicate that is, not slow things down; at least that’s not how I saw it. But it was true. Too much of a good thing, at times, was no longer good.
You can take work ethic, attention to detail, analytical thinking, tenacity, creativity or anything else, and know that chances are good, as a strength, it has a weakness attached in a yin-yang sort of way.
I have given and received a lot of reviews and performance feedback over the years.  Rather than have two columns with strengths on one side and weaknesses on the other, why not have one line with a slider in the middle to help show people where they are on their own continuum?
What I find helpful about looking at job performance through this lens is that it provides employees with an opportunity to manage themselves using a perspective that is far less negative, and far more holistic, than the way evaluation is positioned today.

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Dress in Colour for Success

 Could something as simple as Colour be holding you back?

Have you ever walked into a friend’s new living room, looked at the cranberry red or vintage grey walls and thought, ’Great colour, but it’s not me’? Experts believe that this is because, apparently, we all have a particular colour palette that we belong to and feel our best in.
Even though we may not be consciously aware ocommunication and one that we can use to our advantage. The marketing industry certainly has, as picking the right colour is big business in product branding. Research reveals that it also has a significant impact on sport and choosing uniforms for teams as studies show that red-kitted teams actually experience more victories. So can dressing ourselves and homes in the right colour really have such a powerful effect on our mood, confidence and even our level of success?
f it, the language of colour is primal and has helped us understand much about the world around us. It’s very possible that the sight of a red traffic light evokes the same sense of caution it did in our ancestors when they saw those poisonous red berries. Historically, colour has been a strong mode of
According to colour expert Mandy Griffiths, the effect can be profound. In her former HR role, Mandy conducted many interviews and noticed the way candidates presented themselves. ‘They all wore the same black or grey suit and white shirt. There was nothing memorable in that,’ she says.
This is the reason Mandy believes colour is so special. ‘We’ve made colour less ordinary as many people choose to dress in neutral tones, yet people are more drawn to colours and particularly to the palette they belong to. By wearing a tone that innately lifts your mood, you look better, feel more confident and others will perceive this and respond to you more positively.’
Mandy believes that the reason we don’t go for the colours that suit us best inside and out is due to the interference of external influences such as fashion or our current environments. ‘It’s important, regardless of what colours seem to be in fashion, that you bring your own tones into what you wear,’ she says. ‘We all have styles that we aspire to but they don’t necessarily suit or flatter us. Many of my clients, for example, come in with a very specific idea of what colour palettes they want to belong to, but, on the wrong person, certain shades just don’t work. They can draw the colour out of their skin and make them look less energetic and vibrant.’
Our environment can also play a vital role. Mandy explains that it’s all about giving ourselves permission. ‘If the dominant tones in our working environment are grey, then grabbing attention with a bold colour can feel too daring. Or if a friend told us that red doesn’t really suit us, we might choose not wear it despite the fact that, in the right shade, it may be an amazing colour for us.’
Apparently, choosing our colours is a similar experience to choosing our home. Mandy says, ‘It’s all about what suits our personality and where we belong.
The colours we wish to express ourselves in reveal as much about our personalities and moods as the words we speak. So next time you want to dress for success and impress at that job interview or date, what colour would you wear?

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10 Reasons for you to SMILE every Morning

10 Reasons for you to SMILE every Morning

We all get busy and tangle ourselves in our miseries; forgetting everything we should be thankful for and everything God gave us. We look at the dark side of the sun and fail to see the bright light shining in our eyes! When the world turns off the light on you, read this and feel it glow again.

1. Be thankful for having eyes to read this; for some people in this world are not as healthy as you are!
2. Smile because you were one of the few people, who had the chance to learn something; who had the chance to go to school and make a good life for themselves.
3. Be happy for waking up this morning and getting another chance to get things right.
4. Embrace those who love you; there’s someone out there that thinks about you every day.
5. Look up every morning and thank God for giving you a roof over your head. Some people drown in rain every day.
6. Smile for being able to remember all the good and happy moments; smile for having joyous moments that outnumber your sorrows.
7. Thank God for clean water, healthy food, and peace in your country, because no matter how bad it is where you live, there’s someone out there that has it a hundred times worse.
8. Electricity, because we can’t live without that for even 15 minutes.
9. Appreciate the fact that you are FREE to do whatever you want to do, nothing can hold you down, people fought for your freedom, and the world is just a playground.
10. Smile because after every tear you cry, every pain you experience, and with every heart beat, God is working on a better plan for you anyway!

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