Yes !...... You also can DO this

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Why Do We Help Those Who Hurt Us?

We have all felt the desire to help someone. Whether it is a friend, an acquaintance, a stranger, a family member or a significant other, we have wanted to help them in both small and grand ways. The reasons for this are many.
But why is it that in a situation where we get hurt countless times by the other person, we still suffer and struggle to help?
I asked anyone I knew who had personal experience with this… Why do we continue to help those who’ve hurt us? Their answers varied…

The majority of the answers were along the lines of:

• “to distract myself from my own problems”
• “because I wanted to be the reason they changed”
• “because I loved him”
• “because I believed that she could change”

I believe that the first and second responses have the same foundation: deep-rooted insecurity. When someone wants to distract herself from her own problems, she will latch on to someone else. By putting all of her energy into another person, she can avoid what is bothering her about herself. This is usually on a subconscious level, where the person doesn’t even realize that they are avoiding or feeding their own insecurities.
Sticking around because you want to “be the reason he or she changes” or the reason that he or she wants to change also validates insecurity. Everyone wants to feel loved, needed, and important. Those who are deeply insecure will seek this validation in unhealthy relationships instead of waiting for something more stable and healthy to come along.
The third and fourth responses also go hand in hand. They usually are the responses when the problems arise later on in a romantic relationship, or if it is a family member or dear friend. A relationship has the potential to gradually deteriorate, but early on, a sense of mutual love and caring has developed. The first few fights or damaging situations are always followed by promises of change and seemingly sincere apologies.
An example of this is when you find your significant other or closest friend abusing a drug that they said they wouldn’t use anymore. They react defensively and lash out at you. The next day, or even hours later, they cry and apologize profusely. This cycle continues until the damaging experiences become worse and worse.
This type of relationship falls into a downward spiral and is toxic. However, the one being hurt loves the person hurting them. They remain in the relationship because they want to believe the other will change; that their partner wants to and will get better; and most of all, because they feel guilty for even thinking about leaving the relationship. The partner might also “guilt-trip” the other, asking if the other person really loves them, reminding them that they said they would never leave, and so on. This is also unhealthy and manipulative.
This raises another question: why do people hurt others? In most cases, it isn’t intentional. Someone who repeatedly behaves in a way that is toxic to the relationship is struggling with internal battles. In times of clarity, they truly desire change from how they are behaving.
Insecurity and fear of abandonment are other reasons some people hurt others. In spite of knowing that they are repeatedly hurting their romantic partners, they cling because they cannot stand the idea of being without someone. These patterns are maladaptive and harmful to both partners involved.
The first step in fixing a toxic relationship is becoming aware of it. It is best for both partners in an emotionally or physically harmful relationship to seek professional help to return the relationship to a healthy state, or go separate ways. Maintaining an unhealthy relationship that suffers from frequent fights, manipulation, and harm will cause both partners’ well-being to diminish and cease from growing along a positive avenue.
The ones who are hurting others need to realize they must heal on their own and work towards a more positive lifestyle and relationship pattern. The partners being hurt have to find self-compassion and understand that they deserve better love, care, and understanding.

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Famous Failures

By: Shoaib Mirza

Shoaib Mirza

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Which Act will Lead People toward Hell ?

 

 

کس عمل کی وجہ سے لوگ جہنم میں زیادہ جائیں گے؟

ابو ہریرہ رضی اللہ عنہ سے مروی ہے کہ رسول اللہ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم سے پوچھا گیاکہ کس عمل کی وجہ سے لوگ جنت میں زیادہ جائیں گے ؟آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے فرمایا:''اللہ کا تقو اور حسن خلق'اورپوچھا گیاکہ کس عمل کی وجہ سے لوگ جہنم میں زیادہ جائیں گے؟
آپ صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم نے فرمایا:منہ اور شرمگاہ''
(سنن ترمذی کتاب البر والصلةباب:٦٢ حدیث:٢٠٠٤)

اللہ تعالی ہم سب مسلمین کوزبان کی آفتوں سے محفوظ رکھے آمین۔

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The Noble Qur'an - Surat Al-Qiyamah [75:2]

By: Shoaib Mirza

For More,
Counseling Center
My Psychology Magazine

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Change The Life

If you want to know that True Fact about Life click here

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Personal Counseling from Prophet Muhammad

Personal Counseling from Prophet Muhammad

One day a stranger came nearby Prophet Muhammad(sav) and asked him “I have some questions for you regarding this world and life after”. He replied : “Ask whatever you want”

After that, the following dialogue took place between the stranger and Rasulullah(sav)

Man: I want to be the richest among the men

Rasulullah(sav) : Only if you can be content with what you have

I want to be the most beneficial among men

The most beneficial among men is whom is most beneficial to human beings, so you be beneficial to people

I want to be the most equitable among men

You can be the most equitable among men if you want for others what you want for yourself

I want to be the closest to Allah among men and be one of is royal, favorable slaves

If you remember him frequently you will be one of his favorable slaves

I want to be among the muhseen, the ones who do good deeds.

Worship him knowing that He sees you, He sees you even if you don’t see Him

I want to bring my faith into maturity

If you have good ethical manners, your faith will bring into maturity

I want to be bathed in light when I’m resurrected on the judgement day

Don’t oppress any one, you will be bathed in light when you are resurrected

I want to be the most compassionate among men

First show compassion for yourself and than for others, so that Allah(j.j) will show mercy for you

I want my sins to diminish

If you pray and beseech to Allah(j.j) for you sins, He will diminish your sins

I want to be the most generous among men

If you don’t complain about people to Allah(j.j), you will be the most generous among men

I want my livelihood to be abundant

If you keep on being clean, you’ll have abundant livelihood

I want to be loved by Allah(j.j) and his Rasulullah(sav)

Then, love what Allah(j.j) and his Rasulullah(sav) loves and don’t love what they don’t love

I want protection from Allah’s(j.j) wrath

Then, show no anger to any one, you’ll be safe from his wrath

I want my prayers be answered

Then, stay away from harams.

I don’t want Allah(j.j) to make be embarrassed among men

Then, protect your honor and dignity so you won’t be embarrassed among men

I want Allah(j.j) to hide my faults and defects

Hide your brothers’ faults and defects so Allah(j.j) will hide yours too

What will wash away my sins?

Your tears, your respectful compliance to Allah(j.j) and illness

Which deed has more virtue for Allah(j.j)?

Good ethics, humility, patience over calamities and accepting fate

What is the biggest sin for Allah(j.j)?

Bad ethics and showing parsimony and being reluctant for his commands

What soothes Allah’s(j.j) wrath, who is the most compassionate?

Giving away charity that is hidden from public and visiting relatives

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